deprecated

2007-04-30T18:20:00.000+08:00

If you care enough:

I've moved to http://cityofdelusion.wordpress.com cus wordpress allows password protected posts :)

Goodbye the-deprecated.

2007-04-29T20:54:00.000+08:00

i dont understand. Why the insensitivity? I'm not a tool that's only required in time of need. FYI, I'm a human.

You added on to the reasons not to stay on.

I guess in this period of downs and intensity, ive seen different kinds of people. Perhaps God wants to let me see the contrast between the people who really care and the people who doesnt.

Here's what one of my friend did which really touched me during this period of time:

...Thanks pal :)

2007-04-29T15:32:00.000+08:00

hw list:
~~chinese ex 3~~
~~math tutorial 9~~
~~lit poem~~
read great expectations
GP file
chem test
study ahead for econs.

i feel accomplished :O im at least ready for schl on monday :O SLACK TIME xD~

decision wise, i'm more or less set. :) i got smth to look forward to alr ;) which i cant disclose..

2007-04-29T01:54:00.000+08:00

hanging out with pl band ppl makes me wanna pick up my eupho to play a tune or two.. and just relax and have fun.

i think they just have the thing to make people feel relaxed and welcomed. Maybe its the innocence, maybe its the sincerity. I finally understand why sir seem to love our band so much.

anw, we had supper @ macs after the concert. ate like from 11+pm to 12+am. Cabbed back and dropped amanda(lim) and yel at bishan on the way back.

i miss the craziness, the warmth and the carefree feeling the band radiates.

2007-04-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

as their closeness increase with every second together
we drift further as the clock ticks away.

Leaving me with lesser reasons to stay.

what would you say if
i tell you i think i'm falling for you once again?
but i guess i wont have the courage to do so anyway.

2007-04-27T19:08:00.000+08:00

got dismissed early cus no gp.
went back to pl.
gotten back my olvl cert.
saw a few of my batchmates.
sry ive got no mood to sound elated/excited/whiny/etc

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

hw list:
chinese ex 3
math tutorial 9
lit poem
read great expectations
GP file
chem test
study ahead for econs.

2007-04-26T21:23:00.000+08:00

I miss PAE.
People are becoming so cold now.

2007-04-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

sometimes you fight so much for something you desire
till you forget where the heart is
or how to feel for anyone at all.

"..for what is 'that' but 'that'? And 'is' but 'is'?"
-Twelfth Night, Shakespeare.

Here in twelfth night, shakespeare is trying to say that titles are mere words and dont reflect on the real being.

reflected a lot while during the moments tht i was alone at sports day. Feeling rather emo now. How i wish i can continue to adopt this escapist attitude that i used to do in upper sec. Hmm. This yr, ive been deluded - i realised people are so good at putting up fronts and pretence. But behind your back, you'll never know what they truly think and/or truly are.

Also.. i'm quite upset seeing stuff happening around me. heard stuff but i shant say what stuff. leaves you to wonder. I can only say this doesnt involve my cca.

aight i better get started on my math tutorial or else mskuah will kill me :O haha i spoke to her tday after schl haha i think shes nice :D

oh gawd my mum kept pressurising me to make up a decision. i merely snapped "its my business, stop interfereing" and she scolded me :/ gah.......

this is so random but i know alot of u guys do read so yeah. i'll nt be so direct in my this blog anymore. ppl are ALWAYS watching and talking behind ur back. :) selective few of my better friends will know which online blog t refer to ;)

2007-04-24T21:55:00.000+08:00

Here I am at the crossroads.
whatever i choose at this point of time will be permanent.

Ohana means family
and family means no one gets left behind.

I guess for this beginning of year, i've made many wrong choices already. Wrong impressions. Wrong perceptions. Of both objects AND people.

oh i had chem tuition ytd. omg my HCI j2 tuition tcher's damn pro. i actually understand chem :O

kester, eugene, edwin, michelle, sarah lsq, etc, thanks for listening/talking to me today. Really appreciate it :)

Save your sympathy
Who do you think you're fooling?
Everything is dead!
Now you welcome me,
To a town called hypocrisy

dilemma.

2007-04-23T19:29:00.000+08:00

it feels weird being an observer of your friends' lives
when just a while ago, you were part of them.

2007-04-22T22:02:00.001+08:00

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

I need no fame
I want no special powers
all i desire is one good friend
whom i can chat on the phone with for hours.

2007-04-21T19:53:00.000+08:00

(edit @ 11pm)
YESSSS IM FINALLY DONE WITH IPW's PI!! Time to attack chem!

my day in summarised form:
-brkfast @ sengkang macs with cel, lydia, mary
-movie Mr Bean's Holiday with mary and brenda
-brenda accompanied me and i got my pullover from b&b
-brenda & i shopped. her church friend joined us. i left ard 5pm and reached home to rush PI.

Goodbye and good night.
(/edit)

---
low self esteem.
i feel as if im always judged wherever i go.

seriously if i didnt suppressed my angst, i'd have just walked off the dinner table.
sometimes it's the way you guys talk tht makes me not wanna go home.
sometimes i wonder why am i always trying hard to not make u guys upset or trying not to waste your money.
i've always felt so proud and blessed to have you guys. dont make me feel otherwise.
don't make me feel tht my comfort zone .. isnt tht comfortable anymore.

and you, please dont be so nice to me. i dont want the same old feeling to come back again.

2007-04-20T22:09:00.000+08:00

kind of feeling the blues right now. how ironic, after chatting with tim leong abt him being emo --"

theres this sinking feeling in me. like some kind of uncertainty. i dont like feeling uncertain......

i cant help feeling as if im in a different world. i hardly talk to a lot of my band friends now, i miss my 1st 3 mths friends, i miss pl band. it feels like i dont have a place in anywhere right now.

i feel like an introvert suddenly.

maybe this sinking feeling has been there for long, but suppressed by the large amt of homework tht kept coming. Like what mtc said, to bury my head into work and forget abt all the other stuffs. And i guess i shld forget about expecting stuff to happen cus they wont. mugging is like my escape from all these rubbish feeling im going thru. I think it works cus ive been quite happy for the past few days :]

ok.. i wanna sleep. sleeping is another way to forget all these stuff momentarily.

and dont bother talking to me abt this. because of my environment, ive become so uncomfortable talking to ppl about stuff. Im too used to keeping stuff to my own, and being on my own.

2007-04-20T20:54:00.000+08:00

ive got so much to do this weekend:

~~1. math tutorial 8 (by wed)~~
~~2. math prac paper (by mon)~~
3. chem ws (by mon)
4. PI (DIE DIE by mon)
5. econs case study (by fri)
6. study chi
7. start studying chem or else i'd get to nowhere.
8. start on GP independent learning proj?
9. try chem tutorials for redox and mole concept chapter after figuring out the concepts.

weekend's pretty filled up. namely:
sat -> brkfast with pok & mary, movie with mary and maybe brenda
sun -> out to meet bao pong tong

so much to do, so little time!

photos from last week's chi free period, taken frm rachel's friendster..(studious and bimbo shots):

------------
no.1: if u dont wanna work hard, dont whine.
no.2: if skipping lesson is ur thing, dont complain. or even worry abt retaining.
no.3: if ure trying to seek attention or gain fame by doing such stuff (which i dont wanna mention), its stupid.

im not just referring to any one person in particular, but quite a number of ppl whom i know (may not be in same schl) are like tht. which kinda irritates me cause its your own action which cause u such misery. Do something to salvage the situation, not just sit there and whine. because at the end of the day, its what you do that makes a difference. And if you choose still not to do anything then too bad if u risk the chance of retaining. I'm telling you because i'm a friend. So please wake up.

2007-04-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

hello people i'm back :B

i got back my math test and im satisfied with the results :D :D :D gd thing tht i started studyign for it like a week ahead. could have done better but im still satisfied cus those topics tested consist of my weak topics. so yay :D

nxt up chinese test :( why cant we go back to the days where chi was like.. just whack la dont need to mug kind of exam. Now need to remember stuff T_T

meanwhile im so excited for the weekend :D im gg brkfast with lyd pok and mary on sat, then movie with mary aft tht. sunday im gonna meet my bao pong tong! HAHA. bao= huilin, pong=darryl, tong=aloy. :D eggggg-citing weekend.

chem tuition starts on mon and the tuition agent aka my future math tutor, got me a chem tutor who's in j2 at HCI. interesting. math tuition only starts aft 15may.

omg why am i talkin abt accademics. GAH. i have nth to post alr cept for the fact tht kester's so gay till he changed his msn nick to "POOH BEAR" and dp to pooh bear. omg he's the gayest buddy i ever have.

--edited a few seconds later--
oh look, even his reaction's damn gay.

POOH BEAR says:
WHATHE
sheree; \ says:
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
POOH BEAR says:
YOU
POOH BEAR says:
YOU
POOH BEAR says:
YOU
POOH BEAR says:
SHEREE
POOH BEAR says:
YOU

---
omg spiderman 3's coming out soon :D i cant wait!

2007-04-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

although the issue doesnt concern me, but im quite put off by the way you put across your ideas.
sometimes youve gotta SHOW the action. not mere words, dude.
stop being so cocky. my goodness.

2007-04-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

ok i think i managed to get a tutor already :D yayness.

anyway cool photos taken after our individuals

2007-04-17T05:36:00.000+08:00

I am in need of relatively cheap and goood/experienced home tutors for:
H1 chemistry
H2 mathematics

i'd prefer those tutors that target on types of qns, teaches short cut (esp math) if possible, and are very resourceful (like they have many other schl papers etc)

and most importantly they are willing to travel to yishun -.- because my prev supposedly chem tutor dropped me cus i live too far -.-"

I need tutors.. asap! before May if possible or else im doomed for my terms :( email/msn me their contacts and credentials. xsheree@gmail.com. thanks :)

2007-04-16T17:18:00.000+08:00

i think i'm overly stressed tht i'm too lazy to start on my work :/
math test was okay i guess. managed to finish (phew) on time to check through.
gp package test i left 1 page blank cus i wasnt fast enough.
maybe i'm only fast with numbers. HA.

managed to spend time with my ex class during one of the 40mins brk today. heard stuffs and aye, i guess we all got to make do with whatever we've got and settle for the 2nd best. we're not in a position to decide which choice yields the least opportunity cost.(hah, bad joke) i hope we'll be happy. hope. and i guess my dream of having a close girl bud (like BFF kind) in schl will be dashed. well, its a dream afterallll..... :/

meanwhile, chi class proved to be interesting today. mass camwhoring cause our laoshi didnt come. and oh its isaac(1ah)'s bday today, so we dedicated a photo to him- taken with him lying on the table with all of us behind him.

okkkk updates on sunday :D

liyun and i went to marina sq to accompany yel to buy his bag. whalao he's damn picky okay. after a long time he finally got it :O

we ate at hans, then headed to concourse shopping mall to studyyy

yel is a big distraction for me and liyun :/ haha. so i ended up reading gp package only. :/

my ipod randomly played Emmanuel VI's pieces.. and nostalgia came flooding between me and liyun. memoirs of the concert as well as the genting trip... priceless :)

photos below :D i shall go bathe then study now :O

2007-04-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

been blog hopping :) read some of my graduating band junior's blogs.. felt pretty warmed by their entries. They finally felt the passion for pl band that i've experienced last 2 years, and the relunctance to leave. I'm glad PL band has made such an impact on them and their lives, as it did to me.

PL band, forever.

just for laughs:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2007-04-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

edit@1145pm

i went stationery shoppping, and i bought this necklace along the way (:

:) shopping makes me happy. always.
but i want that long tinklebell necklace tht i saw at the shop. $20 :( :(

----
out of place.
i cant help being not pretty.
mere superficial.
shared secrets that i do not know.
out of the your world.

trying, but helpless.

i'll be strong, i'll persevere on..
books and music are my best friends :)

i'm thankful for gd friends in schl like sarah lsq, kester, eugene, edwin, engloong, meiling, yujia, charmaine, amanda. Talking to friends like them really make my day, no matter how bad my day was.

i miss having liyun around :(

hw list:
~~PI (mon)~~
GP package (mon)
~~Lit chap summary (tue?)~~
Lit passage based (tue)
lit great expectations chap 4-6 (asap)
lit brave new world ws? (mon)
Econs lec notes (mon)
~~chinese journal (mon)~~
~~chinese ws (mon)~~
math test (mon)
figure out chem (asap)

Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon boy i swore i wouldnt become
Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon boy i swore i wouldnt become
Chameleon boy
Chameleon boy

2007-04-11T22:01:00.000+08:00

these 2 days

syf :)
dinner
mtc
silver
band
mc
giddy
cherylmk
sg conf hall
sleepy
studying
lit timed assignment

tired. bye.

2007-04-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

i am happy.
i am happy.
i am happy.

there, no emo post today. awww?

i think people are getting so resourceful tht i need to put on a facade, even right here at my own online comfort zone. lookin at my stats counter.. ppl have been google-ing my name about. it's quite scary. maybe its time to move? maybe i shldnt express so much of myself in this space.

i'm okay if you read it. but gossip? hmm now thats a lil too much.

so yeah i guess my emotions will be pretty much kept within from now onwards, or in my other journals available online/offline and tht you'll never find out :)

though i look weird here but.. my dear juniors never fail to make my day :)

i managed to spend some of my rare break times with ex 1ad3ians today. I suddenly realised how much i missed laughing in class. Of course there are funny stuff tht happens in my current class but its not like those tht keeps you laughing for many periods and tht registers in your head even as months pass by. I guess if you're in a class that's not accademically driven (at least, not this yr i guess), you tend to see and feel more.. human. Where things are simpler and laughter sounds from deep within...

the results are so absurd.

2007-04-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

i can see tht you guys are happier without me.
sigh.

On a happier note, i went out today :) embarked on a lone shopping trip and indulged in the expenditure of accessories. haha. i bought like 5 sets of earrings and 1 necklace.. and something for cel for her bday (: [ahhh cel if ure reading this, i miss you and i need to pass u ur present so pls meet up soon!] and plus i bought my bodyshop's shampoos and conditioner :D total expenditure of $60+++ but i felt happy

yeah and i went to NLB alone today.. did some research on the 7th storey. i think NLB's reference corner's cool man. supposed to do PW research but i realised the info i found were all the same from those i saw from the net. then i found lit stuff there too and HAHA so interesting i kept reading. oh and i saw jose on my way back to bugis :B!!!

anyhows, i met up with jere kor (who has lousy street sense :X). we cabbed to concourse shopping mall which has a burger king outlet that is totally ulu and quiet so i managed to finish my remaining 5 lit qns and my chem tutorial, and to read my 3chaps of brave new world. ULTIMATE. haha. after which we went to eat bak ku teh! haha quite delicious :) and i realise tht area has FANTASTIC shophouses architectures for photography so HAHA MARYANNE PLEASE GO WITH ME SOMEDAYYYY :D

ah shit schl tmr. :(
i miss first 3mths :(

i miss.. being impt.

2007-04-07T15:54:00.000+08:00

researching on the two lit text im handling right now - brave new world and great expectations - makes me really excited about lit :) i could even feel the passion for literary text rushing in my blood now. heh :)

if you havent noticed, i changed my flickr badge thing at the bottom of my links ;) its another of my acct cus my prev acct's full already.

And i bought a new bag ytd :) not for schl purposes. heh. and i think i shall embark on a lone journey to northpoint once the rain stops.. for some retail therapy :D

and im going to mug at nat lib and watch a movie with jere kor tmr! yay i finally got a study partner :) :)

homeworklist:
~~-math tutorial 6 (by wed)~~
-read brave new world first 3 chaps (by mon)
-lit questions (by tue)
-chem tutorial? (by tue?)
~~-chinese compo (by mon)~~
~~-chinese compre (by mon)~~
~~-econs DRQ (by mon)~~
-ipw (by wed)
-gp package (asap)

oooh i feel so relieved and relaxed :) i'm more or less done for monday-due homework! :D

2007-04-06T12:37:00.000+08:00

i just realised:

i'm an outcast in my family due to schl.
i'm an outcast in my 1st3mths class due to change of class + band.
soon i'm gg to be an outcast in band due to school, family and level of skills.

is this a vicious cycle that keeps going?

however i've not regretted my choice not to take part.. I've come to realise that maybe, the One up above made me choose not to take part because it is only thru this way, i can be a source of comfort for those who are not taking part. As well as to spend more time with people that i've never really talk much to, or hang out much with in the cca.

And at the same time, concentrate on studies and mastering for june.

it's indeed something much more worthy of. :) Than slogging so hard but not meeting expectations, falling into depression, drifting r/s with family, falling behind in studies, lacking of sleep. AND, i can go for 1AD3 (PAE) class outing cus most likely it'd be changed to a sat evening cus zai came back :D. AND AND i can go for PL's concert cus its on a saturday =D Omg i'm so excited haha.

Of course i cant help feeling left out. And i cant help missing the section cus i'd probably not really associate with all of them till the end of SYF. But i guess since it's my choice, i must live with it. :)

Alrighty i'm done with chinese compo so next up, i guess i'll do some math cus math tuition with yujia later :D
----
your facades.

Is it a human nature to live behind these facades?
That makes people so difficult to intepret, to comprehend?
That pretence can never be realised?

disguise, i see thou art a wickedness.

2007-04-05T22:46:00.000+08:00

hmm posting photos again :] i know maybe my photo sucks or whatever but i guess this blog is my blog anw so im free to post whatever I want. and you too, are entitled to leave this blog if you don't like anything u see.. so yeah i do hope i get some respect here as the owner of the blog.

And fyi i like to take underexposed photos..

Seeing my friends being upset for not making the cut.. makes me upset too. As much as i tried to stay chirpy and convince them that life isnt over.. there's this sinking feeling within me.. and that i cant help sharing the same fears they all do. No more saturday dinner out for the nxt 5 weeks. I wonder how much will i miss out...

However what upset me the most is knowing that there are ppl who are glad that the number of people playing is reduced. I cant help but to question a lot of stuff that the band believe in.

I dont deny - part of me really wish i took the chance to audition, and be part of the action and glory. But this mega big part of me is really glad that I didnt - for i've always fear of rejection, and the aftermath of rejection.. well you won't want to know.

I guess this 5 weeks will be pretty long.. well i do hope i will make full use of the time to catch up with my studies and with my non-band life.. such as photography :) yay i finally got time to touch my dslr!

yeah right.. it'd be like after:
-math tutorial 6
-lit questions
-chem tutorial
-chinese compo
-chinese compre
-econs DRQ
-ipw

omg there goes my holidays.

ohana means family.

2007-04-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

taken with nikon d70. I want macro lens =(

i think i made the right choice not to audition for syf. seeing the many rejected and scared/stressed faces make me thankful that i'm not one of them, although i kind of feel for them, being in such bad shape.

why must music be something for human to compete? I thought it's meant to be an enjoyment, teaching us togetherness. Why compete when competitions only meant to divide the best from the worst? Why fight for fame when music is about pursuit of passion and perfection? Is competing the only way to gain perfection?

On the other hand, i guess with this temp break from sat prac will be a great chance for me to catch up with a lot of stuff that i couldnt do over the past 4 mths (such as photog, shopping, sleeping, spending time with family, studying etc). furthermore, it'd be a great chance for me to prac hard for june concert. It's indeed a choice that is more.. long term.

All the best to all who are waiting for audition results.

watching Westside story tmr (:

2007-04-02T22:34:00.001+08:00

thanks to all who cared.
sorry i just cant help but to snap back at ppl.

2007-04-02T19:25:00.000+08:00

i feel like quittin schl.
i dont understand chem, i dont understand chi hw.
i feel so useless.

and please dont mention syf or try to convince me to take part. i cry at the word "syf". seriously. i cried after the phone call from eugene. i cried when amirah tried to convince me to join. i dont know why am i such a crying freak. so please do me this big favour - dont try convincing me.

2007-04-02T15:12:00.000+08:00

it's a very tough and painful decision for me. pls don't talk me out of it. it took me quite long to come to making this choice.

Yeah i decided not to sign up for auditions for syf.

I cried during the midst of making a choice. I dont know why but somehow tears kept flowing. Part of me want to be in the syf grp to work hard alongside with others, but the other part of me have no confidence in myself, both in terms of coping with work and band techniques, as well as to maintain my health esp when it has already been quite bad recently.. just tht ppl dont see and know it. What made me have this final decision in the end is that i don't want to be part of the band's burden to excel, i dont want to feel bad. My parents objected the participation in SYF anyway. I've already failed many of their expectations, i don't want to continue disappointing my parents......

I really sound as if im tryin to convince myself that ive made a right choice. I really don't know what to do. But i guess since ive chosen this path i shall live with it..

so why are these tears still falling?

2007-04-02T11:21:00.000+08:00

decided to skip schl cus of my recurring headache again. i think i'm going to see a doc tonight. plus ive gotta catch up with lotsa schoolwork, and im pretty tired. no point gg to sch and sleep in class right? :/
----

4mths of practising for this very day whizzed by. And now, it's over.

Although it wasnt very much to perfection, and i know i didnt perform very well... quite a few band friends told me tht it was a great concert. hmm. but yeah, i'm still quite happy because i know i tried my very best, despite the mistakes I made. Within this short 4mths, i managed to struggle through this huge jump from sec sch band pieces to playing a jc band piece. And i managed to slur that tuning Bb to high F to 1 octave higher than tuning Bb in March. omg i was never able to do that during combineds.

Anyhows, it was a good experience and exposure. I guess this concert made me strong, through the many tears shed and tiredness experienced along the way.

meanwhile here's a selection of photos tht i look better in :D

2007-04-01T10:14:00.000+08:00

it's tonight.

if you guys are coming down and wanna find me, try to catch me during interval (call me or smth) yeah? Via the stagedoor area would be good :) will be lookin forward t see you guys around :D

2007-03-30T21:02:00.000+08:00

lessons learnt:

1. never try to be smart to overdose self with ulcer cream.. cus high dosage of glycerin (accordin to the box) leads to diarheoa (i cant spelt for nuts) and headache. I DIDNT READ IT UNTIL TODAY OMG I OVERDOSED LIKE CRAZY. supposed to put 1cm of it every 3 hrs. i put like exceeding 1cm in every 30mins. and today i suffered the consequences T_T

2. never try to take cab frm sch area during peak hours.. even though you're having a headache and are very hungry and are very in need of dinner. i ended up waiting for 1h15mins in vain and i took the mrt home.

3. never go to school if you feel really unwell and tired... because its useless and i ended up stoning and talkin rubbish most of e time.

during the 2hr break today i chatted with kester, eliz and jonwoo.. haha. i miss the old class. but oh well.. life has to move on................................

gah headache. gonna dry my hair and sleeeeeep.

2007-03-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

i've been so focused on the -ve stuff tht ive forgot to mention the good stuff.

anw teeny weeny funny stuff from contact time on wed.

Mr T: we're going to choose our class rep.
(Next door AA1 started cheering their cheer "we are awesome. A-A-Awesome..")
Mr T: (raises eyebrows and then says with great enthusiasm) 1AH, are you ready!

i managed to finish my hw for today (:

whenever my current class has lesson in the classrooms tht my old class used to have.. lots of memories kept coming back. like today, i had gp & math in the north lodge classrm where we thought we heard mice and stuff during one of our lit tutorial. i cant help but to kind of miss those days....

but oh well.. ive slowly learnt to adapt to my quiet class. its pretty much like being back into the girls sch with only 3 guys in my class whom most i hardly see cus of diff combis. and more or less i hav ppl to hang out with.. maybe it takes time but.. somehow its jus not the same feeling.

anw, i do hope my ulcer recovers by tmr. i need to practice :/ i just put a lot of salt and its freaking painful :( but in any case i'm gonna prac tmr.. to hell with the ulcer and pain :S

2007-03-28T23:32:00.001+08:00

argh. screw it.

i only managed to research for my pw. im too tired to write my report or do my econs. bah.

2007-03-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

This is my blog. I have every right to post my opinions on life and thoughts. If you want to read it, it is YOUR choice so youve gotta just accept my opinion, my attitude. This is my outlet for frustrations and angst, so if you dont like anything you read, u can just get out of here right now.
----

i hate it when last min changes are made.

----
during the car ride home, i spoke to my dad. and i realised how much i really miss my family.

i feel bad being an unfillial daughter - putting other priorities before them. I feel guilty for not seeing thru my brother's growth, being there to assist when he needs it. I'm really afraid that my relationship with my family will further worsen... i don't want to regret in the future when i look back to my teenhood.

why is it that humans always strive to be the best, and for perfection, when nothing can actually be perfect?

Why is it that humans have forgotten the term "humanity"? Or "kinship"? Or simply the phrase, "blood is thicker than water"? We concentrate too much on the desire to be the best that we often neglect people around us and our own health and emotional well-being. Yes, we must strive for the best tht we can be, but we should always strike a balance. too much of anything is always bad.

And humans need rest, in case you all have forgotten how to be a human.
and rest means, more sleep, lesser worries.

in actual fact, i feel that family and friends shld come before anything else, and on top of that, family should be ranked above friends. But life has come to such a state that even if i want to spend time with my family, i have no choice but to put them at a lower priority.

Even simple things like, eating a dinner with them, is difficult.

And i rarely talk to them whenever i reach home, due to the uncountable assignments flooding my way, alongside with the commitments i have in schl. sometimes i really hate myself for choosing acj. and that i shld have given up the chance of going to a good schl, and settle for a nearer school instead. At least I could spend more time with my family, whom i've been neglecting all these while.

What's the point of being smart/skilled/talented when... it's the family that makes you whole? And not to forget, its the parents that brought us thus far, not anything else.

and i believe in being people-orientated more than being task-orientated.

JC life is so not helpful to my emotional growth.

breakdown.

2007-03-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

omg. i need tuition in chem. i barely know the 1st chapter and zooooom! we're doing lecture on 4th chap and tutorial on the 3rd chap. i regret not taking h1 chem in 1st 3 mths :/ and i miss the slower pace in sec sch. im so not going to complain about anyone's slow speed of teaching anymore =(

things to do:
-read lit chap1-3
-do math tutorial 5
-econs tutorial by thurs.
-chem tutorial by tmr (and i have no clue on the topic at all -.-)
-read GP package

and i have band everyday till night time until sunday..
i guess there goes my sleep T_T

anyway concert tics are sold out on the acjc side.. thx all for ur support. if still interested to get tickets pls try sistic or acsi :]

2007-03-26T21:07:00.000+08:00

i feel like a failure.
no. correction. i am a failure.

i feel depressed right now.

i think i'm superb at putting on cheerful facades nowadays.

4th breakdown.
i think i may need a counsellor anytime soon.

2007-03-25T13:16:00.000+08:00

schedule timings for SYF 2007 (sec sch): http://sgbandfusion.com/syf/schedule.htm
--
1 week to my first ac concert.
my dear ulcers and sore throat, please heal asap.
pls grant me the ability to focus, to pitch in tune accurately, to run my notes, to tongue at precise moments with accurate articulation, to play at right dynamics right tempo, to play with the right emotions, to play the right notes at the right time with reference to the correct musical concepts tht i've learnt, for the next 3 practices and of course most importantly, the concert on apr1st.
------
math tuition begins this fri.
i will & must master h2 math.

timetable begins this week.
i will survive no matter how much i wish everything else was like 1st 3mths.

if only what you believe is what you will achieve.
i cant help but to have this uncertain feeling of the future in me.. that i'd be some loner in class, that i'd fail math, that evrything will be screwed up.

aye.. i've been so grouchy recently tht i cant help but to snap back at everyone else.
and indeed, like what the personality profiler said, i get very affected by what people say about me, and by how people treat me. A friend of mine (whom i shan't disclose) commented some bad point about me casually to me.. and i kept thinking about it over and over about it. it kinda disturbed me for quite some time...... i cant help but to feel that i'm like some person with sucky personality. I know my friend didn't mean it that way but.. i dont know.

i'm just a very confused person right now. time to indulge in studies.

2007-03-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

life has been pretty disappointing recently.
gah i don't wanna even talk about it.

2007-03-24T19:12:00.000+08:00

grrr. if i had known that coming home earlier means arguing with my mum, i'd have gone out for dinner with the band ppl. :/ zz. I came home for dinner cus I felt guilty spending my whole week outside. wth. maybe i shldnt have felt guilty or anything. screwit. gahhhhhhhh my whole freaking life is going into a massive downhill mess. sch, health and now home. thanks alot man.

interesting stuff of the night:

2007-03-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

i dislike people who are exclusive.

i cant say much cus i guess this blog's pretty google-able. take a look at this:

---
i'm back from this.. sudden hiatus from the comp.
pretty hectic. band, and some outings.
Thank God for lecture-only week. i guess it's my last week with ad3. or at least, whatever's left in ad3 class. hmm and i made 4 new friends from the 2nd intake of ad3- stefanie, melanie, huijing, samantha. :D

and i wanna watch music & lyrics. monday or smth? :(
----
Sunday's PAE1AD3`07 outing:
these people are those i'll really really miss :(

Monday:
Went queensway with yujia and caoyu (: awesome time out.. managed to reach home by 7. my mum even commented- "wow ure home so early!"
hmmmmm.

Wed:
after prac, went to ps to meet liyun engloong fairli laurel and yel's friend ziyang. aha omg we kept laughing and playing dumb games haha. then we went to shop for laurel's schl shoe. :] aha in e end i reached home ard 10pm(:

today:
found out tht i'm an ENFP personality via the schl's profiling test results. true and interesting.. went to yel's house for "house warming" session with the other band mates. haha we watched scary movie 3, ate and chat a lil here and there (: left his house ard 9pm.. got home by 10pm (:

please grant me the strength, physically mentally and emotionally, to go thru these 2 yrs. I know i need it.

i tried to live in a facade to keep myself happy but people just have to keep constantly remind me that PAE's over and tht this is reality.

And i just can't seem to accept reality.

2007-03-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

today is a =( day.
aye..............................
no comments man.

anws i typed like damn long entry and blogger failed me. wtffff. i wanna sleep alr damn tired exhausted and emotionally challenged.

i cant help missing my old class.
and i tried walking out of my comfort zone alr. really.
but i guess it failed me. :(

like what yujia told me..
classmates will remain just as classmates. it will be difficult to forge true friendships.

oh well. update abt the sunday outing asap i guess (:

theres some stuff to look forward this week: yel's house warming and pending class outing on fri. dunno how am i gg to rush for both but i'll work things out i guess. NIGHT

2007-03-18T00:34:00.000+08:00

edit--

can i just quit schl now? :(

/edit
-----
aye.

i miss ad3 as badly as i miss my long hair :/

on the serious side, i'll really miss ad3 badly =( esp yujia and amelia who i spend most of my time with. 1ad3's my motivation to schl :( i'm lookin at the 150photos of the class tht i have in my comp.. oh gosh, time really flies.. 2months++ passed just like tht.

heard alot bad stuff abt the new class. oh God, please prove me likewise =(

ad3 outing later in the day.. i cant wait. :)

2007-03-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

i heard from ame i got into 1AH. while the majority of them stayed on in 1AD3 =(
guess i'll check it out tmr in schl.
means i must readapt again =(
i hope its a lively class.. as lively as pae1AD3.

2007-03-16T16:57:00.000+08:00

pl band camp.
Make a joyful noise unto the Lord - PL band motto. :)

after gg to ac band ytd, i rushhhhhhhed home and bathed and packed then i headed to pl for their band camp with Liyun and Sarah. Lydia was there too! :] i must say i made the right choice to go.. i feel so much enriched, so much happier after the camp.

we sang this during the pl band camp's singspiration.. it kinda got stuck in my head:

One ~~Voice~~Band

Father we ask of you this day
To come and heal our land
Knit our hearts together
That Your glory might be seen in us
Then the world would know
That Jesus Christ is Lord

Let us be one BAND
That glorifies Your name
Let us be one BAND
Declaring that you reign
Let us be one BAND
In love and harmony
And we pray O God grant us unity

Now is the time
For you and I
To join our hearts in praise
That the name of Jesus
Will be lifted high above the earth
Then the world will know
That Jesus Christ is Lord.

------------

i really miss PL band. i realised that PL band's innocence, fun-loving and carefree character can never be found on any other bands. Although we may be imperfect in our playing, or perhaps be lacking of the drive to perform better, PL band still strikes a chord deep in my heart. Why? Because of the many awesome memories it has left me with. Where else can we find such a carefree environment whereby music is enjoyed and not stressed upon? I miss PL band's ability to remain so cheery and happy, despite upcoming SYF or concert or any bad events or whatsoever..

Could it be because in PL band we are always praying? And that we know whatever we do it's for the glory of God.. so that is why we're always at ease?

Singspiration is what i really miss too... Last night's singspiration reminded me of those times at Genting.. And what i remembered is not the Gold we attained, but the many memories we shared during the trip. Where most of us cried during the devotion that maryanne shared. Where we sang our hearts out. Where we went crazy over the games. Where we camwhored like crazy. Where we danced and just.. let out the child that's in everyone of us.

And i miss mrs chew =( which other teacher can ever match up to her ability to be as childish as us?!

Although i'm not a christian myself, i kinda miss being in a band that is a believer of God, a band that prays.. cause i guess somehow it gives me an assurance, a higher self esteem, and a direction.

oh well.. holidays are almost over. Back to reality. :(

And I know I'm not the same
My life You've changed.

i can feel the passion, rushing back in me.

2007-03-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

jc life makes sheree a low self esteem girl.

i just can't seem to do anything right. not even what i used to excel in.

2007-03-14T11:59:00.000+08:00

sorry for the lack of updates.. other than being busy with mourning over my bad hair, the past two days were pretty tiresome.

tues 13mar--
woke up like 630 am T_T and i reached buona mrt ard 815am, waited for abt 20mins before the rest came. had usual band and stuff. dinner was at ps with some of my fellow batch mates at pasta mania! i'm seriously damn scared of BK and Subway.. Ac ppl always eat at those two outlets. gahh. Anw creamy chicken's aweeeeesome as usual.(omg i could do with another plate of it right now hahaha.) we left ps at 10pm and i reached home at 11pm. saw reca on my way home with her cj friend (: haha i fell asleep straight after my shower.. i didnt even think of using the comp for the first time this yr ok.. DAMN TIRED!

mon 12mar--
woke up at 730am...... and reached kovan at 945am HAHA. met lyd and mary for breakkkfast! pau overslept and was uncontactable --" saw jeremy there too!

after mary left, lydia and me chatted for like abt 1 hr before i went amk hub to meet sarah lee. we shopped a while in amk hub (which was boring imo), then went to shop at j8 (which was also another boring place to shop :/).

yel, liyun and fiona came and we went to the library. whalao they never study one ok --" i was the only one studying there -_-

sarah left and the rest of us ate at subway (omg subway -_-). right after was 1hr of madness photo fun HAHA. can u believe it, we amused ourselves at the neoprint shop HAHAHAHA. ok heres some photos from my camera to sum up this entry. (p/s: look at 3rd photo HAHAHA YEL LOOKS FUNNY HAHHAA =X)

i'm slowly losing the respect for my passion cause of the many recent events.
pursuing what i love has never been this tough or irksome.
i guess the only thing that keeps me going is the initial passion that i used to have, and as well as my friends.

2007-03-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

my fourth (i think?) entry of the day-

thanks to those who listened to my rants ever since school started. (and also those whom i rant to a few moments ago to vent my frustrations...)
or even those who were there for me when i needed a shoulder to cry on, or showed me great concern like yesterday when i felt sick after prac.

thanks once again.

2007-03-11T19:39:00.000+08:00

{edit

its not as if I've never tried.
i feel so wronged.
like every amount of effort i've put in means nothing.
it really further lowers my self esteem and my confidence.
and the thing is? I just realised a few mins ago that i'm not the only one feeling like this

it's supposed to be a getaway from stress from life.
or should i say, it was, in my sec sch days.
but i guess this time round it's the reverse.

sigh mathmathmathmath.
math in jc makes me feel demoralised.
its supposedly my best and fav subject.

tmr i'm gonna mug with liyun, engloong, sarah, fiona at the library (:
and before tht i'm gg for brkfast with mary, pau, lyd (: I MISS THEM! cel cant make it tmr due to lessons.. =(

sorry shan for not going your bbq cus i promised my friends before kingsly asked me =( happy 18th in advance!

sigh i still can feel the heavy stress in me.
i wonder if i shld have gone to poly instead, which was my initial plan anyway.
but then again i guess AC has touched my life in a way that i know other places won't.
sigh so contradicting.

and i think i dont like you anymore. ok maybe still a little but i know i won't get upset by your actions anymore. :))

/edit }
------

i miss PL band.

2007-03-11T15:08:00.001+08:00

=( now i kinda regret cutting my hair.

2007-03-11T12:04:00.001+08:00

i dont know if its out of stress or impulsiveness

i cut my hair short today.

Goodbye to the long hair days.

-----
{edit}

things that i hope to do with whatever holiday that i'm left with:

1. study and catch up with my work (MUST do.)
2. go around and take photos with my dslr
3. shopping
4. catch up with my non ac friends.
5. go east coast cycle and release my stress :/
6. go gym
7. read books :) :)
8. SLEEP MORE THAN 7 HRS.

photos.

amelia and i

weiyi and i

let AC shine (:

me, quynh and serene

{/edit}

2007-03-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

today i'm reminded of my inability.
and it adds on to the burden that i already have.
It really made me wonder if i did choose the right route..
no matter how hard i try or whatsoever,
though perhaps not directly, but i can feel that the blame is always on me.

i don't deny - this is one of my most stressed period. Not even during the studying period for O levels could be compared to this.
so much that i seek solace in the virtual world everytime i come home. or even from sleeping.
somehow this constitute to the drift i'm facing with my family.. i just cant help but feel more serene and calm using the comp- be it blogging or chatting.
maybe because i'm never good with sharing my feelings by speaking.

this stress is accumulating so fast that i feel very much overwhelmed by it. so much that i broke down for the third time of the year after i got home today.. i just couldnt help but the question myself once again: have i made the right choice?

p/s: if there's not a need, please do NOT comment on this entry. i just need this space as an avenue to let out what i feel within.. i need no pity or whatever. thx.

2007-03-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

i got reminded of stuff that i don't wanna recall.
i thought i was okay alr.. but i still feel disappointed seeing smth.. why?
emotions are so tough to comprehend.

orientation was okay i guess. got to know new people and stuff.. campfire was quite awesome. maybe cus my OG kinda bonded more than before, even with the new people. or perhaps its becus my whole OG didnt want to play games HAHA YAY. (i'm anti games, esp when it comes to being dirty). oh well..

seeing some ppl around.. makes me feel sad. they remind me that this 1st 3mth thing is alr over, and things arent gonna be the same anymore. i'll miss u guys..

i come to realised that i've taken the PAE for granted. In this PAE, i'm thankful for the awesome friends i've made, be it in class or out of class. I'll miss the PAE period.. seriously.

with justin(cheong)..

qyunh and serene..

with cheryl (yeo) (:

with xavier (ang)

meiqi and qyunh

tajuddin :]

still got a few photos in respective cameras.. :) will post them when the owners send the photos to me :]

2007-03-07T21:11:00.000+08:00

maybe i still need time to learn to understand my own emotions and feelings towards others. it gets me confused pretty much and i tend to be too impulsive to jump to conclusions.

maybe i'm just like any other shallow elements.

maybe i'm just too stressed with schl and this somehow became another avenue for me to seek for solace.
----
today:
school sucked =( i reached schl at abt 715 or 720am AND THERE WAS NO ONE IN MY CLASS AROUND. so lonely! so i left my bag and loitered around until e bell rang. finally my classmates turned up! yay (:

oh for GP we played taboo again haha. cus we were registering our subjs and its not nice to go for classes late yeah? so yeah i didnt go for geog (anw i'm dropping geog what!). math was empty and lit was not very responsive. but i learnt alot in lit today.. oh mann i need to revise cus i'm damn lost. i'm going to plan out my study schedule for the hols :D!!

went for sectionals. so emo la everyone. it wasnt sectionals it was more like depression-als. the sch kinda liven up more when alot of my bandmates got their appeal through.

grats to all who got in.. and dont be disheartened for those who havent received the calls! ALL THE BEST !!

and cheer up people, whatever reasons tht ure sad about.. it makes me quite unhappy to see u guys so upset. :) and dont :(!

TUES:
trip to vivo with bandmates :) alot crazy photos ;P let them speak for the day. lol.

HAHA we were like, lets do lianzxsxXx poses but in a more unique way! so here goes:

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

And me and liyun decided to flood Eng loong's phone with our photos to frighten him when he wake up LOL (cus he was sleeping on the bus).

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

END!

2007-03-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

school won't be the same tomorrow..
esp without those who've left.

1AD3 will be kind of empty too.

to be honest.. this is the first time this yr that i'm not lookin forward to school.

2007-03-05T21:40:00.000+08:00

i dont know to be pissed or to be irritated or to be disappointed.
or maybe i don't have the right to feel anything at all.

2007-03-05T19:49:00.001+08:00

i walked into the schl hall today and i see faces of uncertainty & dread. there are 4 categories of people in fact: 1st, those who excel and perhaps gg to better schl based on luck, but are unwilling (or maybe theyre willing?) to do so. 2nd, those who did not too well, and will be appealing. 3rd, those who can't make it back anymore. 4th, those who are safe, yet unhappy to see the changes happening around them.

meanwhile, heres some shoutout to my 1ad3 (: maybe some of them wont read it anw but oh well here goes:

amelia, i'll definitely miss is your laughter & your camwhoring & your "HEY HEY HEY"! Smile always yeah (:
yujia, i'll miss taking photos with you (cus ure so ever ready for a photo taking session LOL) and your economical sense! (:
pauline, HAHA you and your imitation of errol omgg i do hope i'll see you in H1 chem class when i switch combi!
charmaine, i'll miss you cause you're awesome to chat with! like about life and stuff. i do hope we go the same class! (:
leticia, oh you mega ponstar + latecoming queen + spicy lame shit HAHA. i'll miss laming with you la!
eugene, though we'll see each other in band but i think things may not be the same. although u never fail to irritate the whole class with ur opera singing and extreme moodswings, youve been a great friend and a bitching partner (:
kester, thanks for cheering me up when i was emo the previous time, and you've been an awesome classmate, ever so entertaining and stuff. don't forget me when we change class though i'm not a gepper. HAHA. =x
caoyu, hey i guess we'll still see each other in orientation 2. great having u as classmate!
amanda, aka morbid girl, stay morbid always :D hahaa i guess thats the most signature thing about you :P
elizabeth, eat more! or else i think if you have to carry the canoes you'll die from carrying. haha :D
issac, stop being so critical and stop suanning me and my euphonium!
sarah, haha i'll never forget the hilarious honkie slang you had today! (: its been great having you as our class rep (:
errol, maybe you shld just stop maybe-ing around maybe you should just shut your face about the maybes. hahaha kidding (: all the best for the appeal!
jonwoo, stay smart always! if you ever become an international golfer please remember me as your 1st 3mths classmate haha. ok la even if you don't, u can still remember me :D
xunwei, all the best for your appeal!

joseph, deborah, honding: you guys are, and will still be, missed greatly! 1AD3 will never be complete without you guys.
----
yang lao shi didnt come for chi class today :( i'm so sad la, my probable last chi lesson with her. intended to take a photo with her but she didnt comeee =( meanwhile, another tcher came and said tht she was supposed to be our chi tcher but due to her course, yang lao shi took over her. omg we were all surprised by this news. i want yang lao shi although the teacher we got today is pretty nice too. =(

anw photos:

h2 math girls (the pon-stars :D)+ amanda

take 2.

me, yujia, henghao (econs class)

take2.

take 3.

yujia

me and yujia

view of schl from sports complex

---
And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really am

2007-03-04T12:54:00.001+08:00

(edit @ 4.08pm)

Nickelback - photograph

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

(/edit)
---
(look at what kester's doing in the following 2 photos.)

fun stuff we do in class.. which i'm gonna miss :(

2 more 1AD3 days.. before all of us get split up. From what i heard, everyone(even those not in my class) is not really lookin forward to the split-up of classes. And i guess after tues.. it'll mean serious mugging and less play. In fact i kinda already need the march hols to catch up on my stuff cus i don't really understand. bahhh.
----

JC life has been so hectic for me that all i wanna do is to sit at home and stone.

For the past 2 months, i've been spending more time in schl than my home. like, on band days, the ratio of time spent in schl is to time spent at home is 16hrs : 8 hrs. So basically what i did in that 8 hours is merely- bathe, do homework, check the emails, sleep, wake up, prepare for sch.

Even on non band days, i reach home like 6pm or even later. I thought maybe its only my school. But i asked around some friends and apparently its all the same. Unless you wanna skip stuff then that's another case.
---
A levels results was released last Friday.. It scares me to think that its just another 2 more years.. and 1 more year to our chinese & IPW A'lvls results. Also, the fact that every teacher's reminding us that "first 3 month is NOT honeymoon time blahblahblah" and that "A levels is just in 7 term's time.." its pretty scary.

And plus i'm not coping my schoolwork well. Or rather, i don't even have much time for completion of most of my homework on time.. unless it can be done over the weekends. I don't even have time to read my lecture notes ahead, or have sufficient focus to stay awake in lectures. Some of my tutors don't even go thru what is went thru in lectures =( i'm damn lost in my econs and math, although i must say i'm quite lucky to have great tutors :) I do hope they remain as my tutors after the official posting.

Oh, i'm dropping h1 geog for h1 chem.. I realised that interest cannot help in ur ability to absorb whatever's taught. AND, what the heck, after like 6 sets of lecture notes we're still on chapter 1. crazy la.

but all in all, i do hope at my A levels, i'd be as happy as i was for my O's. And not crying miserably like how i did for my PSLE. In fact, i hope i can be like the 233 recepients who stood on the stage for their 3-4 As this year at AC. I don't know how the new syllabus is graded and stuff, but i hope I can get some A's. especially lit, math and gp, for i'll be needing them for my desired uni courses. :D

k thats alot of reflection done today. i need to do econs and math hw. which are the subs that im not coping well. :( bye.

2007-03-03T22:47:00.000+08:00

i'm tired.
Really.
part of me wish i could just throw away my mind and my heart so i can stop thinking about you.

maybe the change will do me some good.

2007-03-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

i merged some of the photos so if u want them individually, ask me personally. (: Im so tired till im almost falling asleep on my computer table. gonna sleep after finish uploading (:

10feb

taken on results day. with our adorable lao shi :D

---
28th feb.

---
2march

2007-03-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

once again i cant help feeling inferior. comparatively to others.

ok i shant be emo anymore. benjamin(from ib) said my blog's like an emo HQ. lol. some photos here. the rest.. tmr i guess. 1119pm already oh man. time to sleep. im only left with 5+hrs of sleep. :)

(28 feb)

(1st march)

out for dinner with my ac bandmates after band.

happy 17th birthday ernest! :)

2007-02-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

i'm not good enough for you.
i'll do my best to get over you. in fact i think i shld be doing fine. i hope. i just need time.

2007-02-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

do you know how it feels to look forward to an event.. then realise you can't go for it in the end?
disappointment is one of the suckiest feeling you can have.
especially when it comes with feeling sorry.

Ever since school started, i find myself failing other people's expectations of me.. in order to try to fulfill the expectations in band. But sad to say, i haven't been able to meet the requirements. and it sucks because i feel bad for being the "rotten apple" of the crop, and that i keep putting band before everyone else, even my family. it sucks because you can sense other people's disappointment in you. i mean.. i believe i'd be very upset if my child choose over other stuff than me.

im so sorry if i have ever chosen band stuff over any of you.

i guess maybe this is the reason why i'm pretty emo over the past few weeks, despite being in a fantastic class and having a ball of time at schl.

thanks eugene, kester, amelia, liyun for listening my rants and stuff today. thanks those who've expressed their concerns. i appreciate it.

once again, im sorry 1ad3. i feel really bad for not gg tmr.

like a caged bird, longing for the day of freedom.

2007-02-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

"just like me, they long to be - close to you."

Amelia & I in our uniforms in chinese class. :)

whenever i'm tired or frustrated, you'll be the first on my mind. i'm surprised at the fact tht you actually mean something to me. And i need to get over it, soon.

2007-02-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

i jus realised - this is the week of 'last's. last mass PE as 1AD3 tmr, last subj classes as one class in this week.. :(

for no rhyme or reason, my heart feels.. heavy, like as if it needs a breather; some space to.. be myself.

had a chat with charmaine today before her DEP.. and got me realising that i'm not the only one struggling with life right now. And yeah, i managed to talk to her about my struggles and stuff, felt kinda better aft that.. Thanks girl (:

playing the euphonium made me feel better too. (: i love individual practice like this because the music soothes, and not irritate and make feel damn useless.

2007-02-25T19:29:00.000+08:00

well... i tried to do some homework but i ended up doing a collage of photos that i took with my panasonic lumix f8 previously:

spent my sunday at lido and wheelock with my family. caught Follow The Law.. well, quite disappointing in my opinion. Yes, the comic elements are good, but i expected jack neo's film to have more.. substance. the plot's too dramatic for my liking, but nevertheless, thumbs up for the deliberate, sudden slow pace for certain scene to making those scenes more moving.

i saw jing han and jialin (on separate occassions) at isetan. haha. they must be off to buy uniforms. hmm. oh yeah, there's this rumour about ac's cut off point this yr is 7 with bonus. First i heard it from caoyu and i didnt really believe because she wasnt very sure. Then i heard it from justin (tan) yesterday.. i mean both of them dont know each other, so could it be true? hmm.

oh, i got myself a new pair of nike shoes with my dad's isetan voucher. its white and green :D

i ought to start working on my hw. i got:

1) econs tutorial due tmr
2) geog tutorial due on thurs? i hope so?
3) math tutorial due on wed i think.
4) gp research on elitism or smth. dunno by when.

.. and so who says first 3 mths is slack?! like esp when they threaten you with detention class for not doing homework. -.-

2007-02-24T20:39:00.000+08:00

for God knows how long, i finally tasted home cooked dinner for tonight.

on the way home, eng loong asked me why am i so down nowadays. i was quite surprised at the question because i always thought i'm quite happy. then i realised yeah, i havent really been very cheerful these few weeks, and i guess.. esp after the release of results.
---
There's always a limit to everything. Too much of something is not passion. It's obsession.
---
i need to rant less and smile more. :)

2007-02-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

~~I wonder what do you perceive me as.~~

No-- i shouldn't wonder. Cause the more i do, the more i'd be inclined to see things in the wrong perspective. Which won't do me any good.

I ought to sleep. I haven't touched any homework. But i think i need my sleep.

2007-02-23T16:15:00.000+08:00

yay my earliest day today - i reached home at 4pm! :D ytd was madness. i left schl at 9pm, cabbed, and reached home like around 945pm (if i hadnt cab i'd reach like 10.30pm or smth). stayd up till 12am to do econs. gahh.. damn tired now.

Everytime i think of the upcoming changes with the new JAE posting, i get pretty upset. Things gonna change pretty much, esp with the new people coming in and stuff. And sadly, with no offence, I kinda like the way school life is right now... Or even, the way school was BEFORE the release of results. School feels quite empty without the people who have already left :(

1AD3 makes me look forward to schl each day, esp those people that i'm closer to. (: and i'm just hoping that majority of us can stay together. Really hope that the admin staff will be too lazy to reshuffle the original classes and leave us alone. And give us the tutorial teachers (except "SQUARE") that we are having right now.

Hon ding! i miss talking crap to u in class! :(
Joseph! i miss your nonsense! :(
Deborah! miss your presence in class! :(

Band's going into full swing with next week onwards. It's quite scary to think that i'm actually seeing my instrument more than i see my mum, dad and bro.. or even my bed. But nonetheless, i guess that'll be the case for the next 2 years.

My week - by me :D
On monday school ends at four ten
tuesday i've got band
wednesday marks sectionals
thursday, band once again
friday is my happy day
saturday's to band
sunday meant for homework and tuition so
now what rest
do i
have?
--
time to do econs, geog, math hw.

p/s: i think my dad bought me a 2nd hand dslr nikon D70 to reward me for my results :D
pp/s: once again, http://kevan.org/johari?view=eerehs :)

2007-02-20T23:13:00.000+08:00

so.. holidays are over. geez.

wished i had quality time with my family. well, i feel kinda guilty cus i went out for the last 2 days. But then with my relatives' involvement in my parents' activites make me wanna avoid all family stuff. I'd rather more quality time spent tgt as a family.. like, watch vcds at home? or even dine tgt or smth. oh wellll.

mon- i spent like $70 on food itself - $20 in candy empire, $40 on lunch (plus treating jeremy) and $10 on dinner. and oh, jere kor and i walked vivo like 194726274985743 rounds before we decided to head to plaza sing cus we had nth better to do. thanks for the belated bday present, kor! (:

today- i was late to meet the rest, so headed down to mrs chew's condo on my own. its awesome seeing my bandmates. mrs chew got us pizza for lunch. oh we took lotsa photos before going her unit. her kids are adorable (:

after which i went to kester's house. my jaws almost literally dropped when i stepped into the house. its massive! hurhur. basically we spent most of the time watching anger management. pretty hilarious (: and more or less a great bonding time for us. his siblings were quite cute. hahaha. had quite a few laughs here and there :)

then i cabbed down to serangoon.. to meet my pl bandmates again (: we went to our conductor's house. (: talked a while.. and ate a lil. hahaha. hmm then me and celeste went to compass to eat our dinner together. i miss those old times which we'd always go down to compass pt after sch to slack around or even to study. (: i hope she makes it to ac so at least we can still talk a lot with each other (:

some photos below.. im too tired to post all. gdnite readers. do tag! (:

2007-02-19T11:19:00.000+08:00

i didnt feel anything when he told me that.
does that mean it meant nothing to me?
hmm if so, i guess thats good :) then maybe i'll be a happier girl from today onwards :)
but seriously i'm quite confused hahaha. what exactly am i feeling at all?
oh well, i guess that's for me to find out hur.
On search for my inner self!
Ha. ha. ha... Whatever man dot dot dot (class joke)

alrighty, im gg out with jeremy (not my cousin) now! im going out with jere cus i owe him a treat... we made a bet on olvls results. seriously now that i think of it, the probability of me winning is far greater! geez, blame it on my luck.

My dream made me feel secured. But once again it's just a dream. Welcome back to reality, sheree.

2007-02-18T21:41:00.000+08:00

i don't like chinese new yr. i can't stand sitting (sounds ironic) down in front of the tv and stare for straight 8 hrs, movie after movie. plus the reeking smoke made my eyes suffered like crazy. oh gosh. i don't mind giving up all my ang bao money just to skip the first day of cny :(

so much for "family time" during CNY. my family members didnt talk to me during the visiting. in fact i think they talk/played mahjong,cards,xbox,playstation,WHATEVER with everyone else except me. bonding time my asssss. i think non cny days i had more bonding than today la. grrr. and of all my cousins, i think only cousin jeremy spoke more than 5 lines to me.

thanks to benjamin, kester and even amelia & liyun who entertained me with their smses or else i'd have died of boredom there. can you imagine, my uncle's place has little/no reception. i had to like raise my phone to a certain area to get the reception. :S

meanwhile, got this from chris. tell me what u think of me (: http://kevan.org/johari?name=eerehs

2007-02-17T20:07:00.000+08:00

i'm really trying my best not to be emotional abt separation and stuff. well, by achieving it i kinda indulged in my homework so yeah, i finished gp and chi compo. what's left is math and some reading up for other subs. wow i sound like some mugger so maybe i can fit in new class if i do get in there, oh awesome man. hurhur.

anws, heres some photos i owe. the vday at ac and last night's sending joseph off.
click for bigger photo.

AC ANG BAO! how cool is that!

~~so much for trying not to like someone. i need to curb this feeling. right now.~~

2007-02-17T11:36:00.000+08:00

1AD3.
Come and look at AD3
And guess what you will see?
Talents of different kinds,
Many varieties.

KI, Art and D.E.P,
And people from the sports scene.
Math, Econs, Lit, Chem, Geog, History,
Not forgetting GP.

Errol and his "shut your face",
Kester and his pants.
Jon woo and his "shut up la",
Joseph's pretty face.

Yujia the economist,
Charmaine being blur.
Sarah-Ann's initiative,
Pauline's coloured hair.

Eugene loves to sing opera,
Xunwei the KI.
Issac with all his critics,
Hon ding the nice guy.

Deborah the orange girl,
Amanda's morbid.
Leticia and her scandals,
Eliz(abeth) the smart girl.

Amelia's HEHE laughter,
Caoyu's smart girl too.
Me, the one who likes them all
in their special ways.

How much I would miss them all,
after J.A.E?
I do not want to know, not now.
the dreadful uncertainty.

2007-02-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

What seemed to be a blessing initially, seems like a curse now. And i'm starting to hate myself for it.

I really wish i could have the points to remain in the same class with the rest of my classmates. Some way or another, i am reminded each day about the fact tht i'd probably split up with the rest of them, and perhaps become hi-bye friends after that. And that I may not have the chance(with the required high level of commitment in band) to chat with people like amelia, yujia, kester, hon ding, leticia about random stuffs. :( that's one of the reason why you see me emo-ing so frequently now.

Well, today we were back at the airport again. this time we sent joseph off. parting is such a pain, especially when you have to leave everything and everyone else behind.

While i was walking alone i suddenly saw the airport as a stage. Sappy partings, happy reunions are happening at the same time. Just that in this case, the tears and smiles are mostly genuine. It's the reality. Well it got me kinda inspired me to want to write a poem. unfortunately due to dead brain juices i didnt think of any interesting line for a poem. i shall go think about it when i wake up tmr.

had a great chat on the way home via the mrt (due to some coincidence i didnt take my bus). wonder if there'd be still such chats after JAE..

meanwhile, happy 23rd to bryan chung, my 4+ yrs good friend!

2007-02-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

dearest blog,
i'm tired. emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally.
especially the emotional part.

my nights have been pretty emo-fied (if theres such a word).

kinda hungry cus i didnt eat dinner.. but i still don't feel like eating.

i feel like an inferior good (if u ever do econs)

omg this is a randomly emo entry. bye.

2007-02-14T19:58:00.000+08:00

had a so-so vday today. why so-so? well.. it's nothing really special. as in, there was not rrly much to look forward to... Nothing to set my adrenaline rushing and to be excited for this very day.

then again it's pretty awesome, cus we have like a vday tshirt, dedication service thru PA system, rose delivery services, helium balloons & chocs for sale, etc. the schl was flooded with students carrying heart-shaped balloons. haha. and the schl's pretty much decorated in the mood for vday! (: so yeah, it's a so-so vday (:

anw, what i did today - i went to nanhua sec with gerdine, sarah (lee), michelle (lim), edwin and vivian.. to surprise sir for his birthday. haha. spoke to him for a while.. after which me and sarah went to town to meet eve ong (: we settled for NYDC and homed right after.

thanks to:
nicholas yin & justin tan - for the flowers
joseph chen, meiling, martin, sarah lee, qyunh, darshini, valerie(chij) for the chocolates
amanda for the onion (haha lit class joke)
jialin & caoyu for the brownie
pauline for the jelly
amirah for the biscuits
puaybing, amelia, gerdine for the baked cookies
kristen for the card
samantha for the foam heart
joel for the personalised masking tape -_-"
christabel for the juice stick or whatever its called. LOL.
and whoever that gave me ferrero rocher.. i'm so sorry i forgot who BUT I LOVE ROCHERS so thanks a mil whoever you are :)

i set a distance away from you whenever we get closer.
however whenever we're far away, i'll somehow get close to you unknowingly.
damn ironic but because i know this is kinda wrong so i need to stop this before it gets too.. immersed.

2007-02-13T23:09:00.000+08:00

i need to stop this soon. somehow. before everything else get worse.
why cant i, for once, be liking someone who will recipocrate the feelings?

aye..

LOL benjamin (frm ib)'s teaching me ways to hint a guy LOL wtfff. hilarious.

2007-02-13T11:17:00.000+08:00

11feb class outing photos here: http://www.flickr.com/gp/93022232@N00/6188J2

omg i think im gonna lose sleep tonight to finish up the vday gifts. i have like tons more to make omgggg.

2007-02-13T00:25:00.000+08:00

photos ytd(11feb):

the coincidental greens. haha kester moved in e pic ;x

outside bibi & baba
---
photos today (12feb)

yujia, bored during GP.

kester & hon ding

our GP rep/asst class rep begging us to keep quiet or his head will roll, literally. LOL.

(changi airport @ 9pm, sending deborah off)

HAHA LOOK AT THE WORDS ON JOSEPH'S TSHIRT.

1AD3 without a few other ppl.

kester just cannot keep a straight face while taking photos.

honding aka haunting!

despite having this guidebook, kester took 2.5hrs to reach changi airport by bus.. (sigh rich ppl nowadays dunno how to use public transport =X)

amelia! :D

caoyu!

yujia!

well i just got home an hr ago. went to changi airport to bid deborah farewell. took train home with amelia, yujia, honding, caoyu and kester. since me and kester are the only two "red mrt line" ppl, we had to change train 2 times la -_-

fri must go back changi again to send joseph off =( =(!

oh yeah, i think ac's valentine's day tshirt is nice :D hehe beat that! no wonder mingxiu said come ac = spend alot money on tshirts -_-" i got like 4 AC tshirts already. and abt 1-2 more to come..!

gd night ppl!

2007-02-12T18:23:00.000+08:00

once again i'm reminded of my flaws. it makes me.. insecure. And to want to just isolate myself. from everyone.

screw those irritating insensitive immature idiots who think they're all so great and cool. I tried to be nice and you don't have to use this kind of tone to talk to me esp when you alr pissed me off ytd. zz.

it was a bad day today right from 510am. i set my alarm wrongly, to 510pm instead. thank God my mum woke me up or else i'd be late for schl today. then a series of bad stuffs happened along the day. i don't wish to talk about them.

bye.

2007-02-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

for some unknown reason or another, i feel quite pissed and irritated now.
i dont think THEY constitute to it. Okay, maybe a teeny weeny part.

for now i just want to be ignorant of all the affairs around me. i'm tired.

2007-02-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

event: 1AD3 class outing.
venue: heeren vil'age.
date: 11 feb 07
people present: Amelia, Caoyu, Yujia, Deborah, Charmaine, Amanda, Sarah-ann, Elizabeth, Sheree, Issac, Kester, Joseph, Errol, Eugene, Jonathan (Pauline & Leticia joined us later)

i'm lazy to elaborate. the photos will tell.
(1AD3 people, please send me whatever photos uve taken. thanks!)

yujia & i

yujia, deborah, me

joseph & i

me & kester.

anyhows, bought my uniform and after which some not-so-pleasant stuff happened. -shrugs. met samho & emily at the shop. went to art friend with samho, and joined caoyu & eugene at kpool at 6pm. caoyu and eugene saw the crude side of me when i played pool with eugene.. cus pool makes me swear like crazy =X oops. haha.
-----
this song's been stuck in my head for a week. If my dream guy sings this to me i'll melt like how chocolate does in our mouth. HAHA.

'L', is for the way you look at me
'O', is for the only one I see
'V', is very very, extraordinary
'E', is even more than anyone that i adore.

so quickly, the 2 yrs have passed. I still can remember how the vday was spent 2 yrs ago. Though things didnt last, the memories remain.

2007-02-10T22:47:00.000+08:00

=( i dont wanna transfer class or have anyone transferred out of class.
omg i feel like crying whenever i think of the probability of transfers.

First time i'm doing this:
Dear God, please allow 1AD3 to stay together, without transfers of any sort. You've seen us through these few weeks together, and you know how much we enjoyed each other's company during lectures and tutorials. Grant us the opportunity and the ability to stay on together, to enjoy school as one lively class like before. Amen.

ahhh i'm really feeling paranoid and emo right now. :( this issue's been in my mind since last night. :( i don't wanna face changes again, esp when i'm finally adapting to the environment..

2007-02-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

i feel.. blessed.

it had been a great day. even GP lesson was great, can you believe it? we had this video and game of taboo. like woah, major change from the usual lesson (1ad3 will know what i mean). in fact it was so fun tht i was like wth lesson over alr?!

econs was slack too hahaha yay.

chinese we had 1 period of partying (lol we beg lao shi and she even joined us at the void deck). when we were gg back to class for lesson, laoshi was damn funny. she kept talkin as if we were little kindergarten kids - and we also replied her in kiddish manner. HAHA. i think we were all too high. the last 2 periods of chi was supposedly to be spent on proper lesson, but instead she let us spent it on taking photos and lookin at damn artistic chi stuff, despite being lagging behind as compared to other classes in terms of speed. LOL. omg i love my chi tcher! :)

i'm glad i've been blessed with gd o's result :) anyhows, the day was perfect until smth made me lose my patience. yeah but it's minor part of my day so its okay (:

chris, charmaine, kester, sarah-ann and even mr b.wh were awesome!! great job!!

its a happy day :D

amanda & i during chinese. after many attempts by yujia the photographer with shaky hands ;P

Errol! haha he look diff with shorts.

me and sarah before leaving ac :)

kester, i promised you it'd be on my blog LOL. it reminds me of him saying "what have i done wrong" or smth like tht. LOL it makes me wanna laugh omgggg!

-----
just as ive been blessed, i hope the broken friendships around me will be blessed too..

2007-02-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

wth time passed so quickly. i can still rmb tht scene 2 yrs ago when alot of my seniors cried cus of bad results ): then also i can rmb last yr's batch takin back their results.
Now its my turn.
i. am. scared. for. tmr
i still recall how my psle scored failed my expectations. i ended crying for 1 week :(
i don't want my results :( i scared i can't stay in AC.
and i dread the day when my class will get reshuffled (which most of my seniors say would happen). i'll miss 1AD3 like crazy :(
-----
anw a lot of stuff's been happening around me. like internal conflicts and yeah.. plainly friendship stuff. but nah its not happening to me but people around me. today i got to know about another one.. kind of made me have this awkward feeling within me, yet at the same time pretty upset seeing stuff like that happening to my friends.

theres also this conflict which i feel like it's mainly my fault that theyve become like that. i still feel pretty bad. seriously, i feel so.. helpless cause i can't do much to salvage the situation.

maybe thats why people say ignorance of the issues around you, is bliss.
----
lemme blog down the past significant events;

mon- eugene's cake smash!

tue- sucky timetable day.

wed- xcountry was.. no comments. walked with sam and we talked a lot. :) after which i went to king albert park with my og to have dinner and homed with meiqi after tht :)

---
i've moved on. you're history.

2007-02-05T18:32:00.000+08:00

you're getting out of my mind ; and that's great.
maybe it's true - out of sight, out of mind.
I just hope-- nah, i'll make sure it stays this way. :)
---

results are coming out this fri. 230pm. http://www.moe.gov.sg/press/2007/pr20070205a.htm

felt quite tired therefore i didnt go for individuals and went home early today. kinda gotten emo on the way home frm schl. so yeah, sorry for this dull update.

upcoming stuff
band & mass pe tmr,
x-country on wed,
double period pe & band on thurs,
results + nol on fri,
band and maybe nol on sat,
class outing to the village on sunday,
class dinner @ changi airport + sending deborah off on monday(pending),
pe & band on tue,
vday on wed,
pe & band on thurs,
class dinner @ changi airport + sending joseph off on friday(pending),
CNY celebrations 17thfeb-20th.
BUSY 2 weeks!

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, you're our secret space at will
; snow patrol - shut your eyes

2007-02-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

i love shopping trips! (: after 2 sundays of cny shopping, i managed to get 2 tops 2 bottoms 1 dress all paid for. totals up to about $200. i feel kinda guilty :/

then while waiting for my bro, i went to Mango to window shop on my own and i ended up buying myself a tshirt (: oh and i bought a necklace too ((: shopping makes me happy! HAHA. anw right now what i really need is a new casual bag. hmm. i wonder if i can get one before cny.

im much anticipating yet kind of dreading this upcoming week. things to be excited about - the drama's NOL (though i havent decide which day to go), class outing to vivo on sunday, band photoshoot this sat :). stuff to dread about - olvls results, mass PE, deborah's departure to aus on the following monday ):

stay out from my thoughts.

2007-02-04T01:55:00.000+08:00

happy 17th eugene (:

band yesterday was exhausting. dont know was it due to my sleeping hrs or the intensity of the practice. moodswing-ed a little but haha i think i didnt really show it.

rushed down to watch samantha and joel perform for their concert (: reached home around 1215am. haha right now im playing msn games with joel -__-" haha damn lame. yeah tired but.. i just dont feel like sleeping... thinking abt lotsa stuff.

oh well i'm going to turn in soon.
-----
why is it everytime when ive decided to let things be, something not to my expectation will happen, and that it'd affect my decision and my opinions about the issue? you just confused me. once again.

2007-02-02T20:30:00.000+08:00

my comp's on the verge of crashing :/

2007-02-02T16:06:00.000+08:00

interesting moments from lit tutorial:

(analysing poem)
Mr T: what do u think of when u see the word moon?
Eugene: (singing) Yue liang dai biao wo de xin~ [moon represents my heart]
Mr T: *stares, give a "you-are-weird" face and drew -_- on the transparency sheet*
---
Mr T: so what are the other differences of the two poems?
Kester: one is short, the other is longer (he said smth like tht la i cant rmb)
Mr T: *gives -.- look* Let's shoot him.
Kester: Really! one poem is long the other is short.
Mr T: Lets start from the knee cap
(kester continues to protest about his critics on the poems)
Mr T: then the elbow
Mr T: then we pour honey over him
Mr T: and roll him on the field
Mr T: and pour salt over him.
Class: HAHAHA?!?

****
wed- reached schl at 1210 so slacked at the bleachers with all my non-econs classmates. class time was awesome. pizza's pretty good and there was much interaction. managed to capture a certain shot of kester and joseph(ine =x) on my cam phone but i am not allowed to post it up =(. after which i went to practice a little for band, and headed down to town with Bize, Samantha & Timothy. had dinner with tim at lido and homed right after.

thurs- once again we got reminded about the olvl results during assembly. anws the day wasn't particularly memorable in any way. Had sectionals and we did long tones and used our ears to do some tuning. reached home at 8+pm.

fri- i think fri's timetable's the best. got back our econs test today like haha 3/15. -_- lit was hilarious, plus there was this squeaky sound coming from a corner of the north lodge classroom. we kinda think it's rats or something like tht. cause the sound kinda moved as the lesson progressed. got some of us pretty paranoid too, but we managed to sustain till the end of lesson. Maths test was ok i guess. at least thts how i feel.. but ive no idea if i can do well.. seeing the way tht Mr L spoke after the test.

ah, i hope i get to stay in ac for JAE too =( and tht all of us 1AD3 will stay together as a class! i really think our class is awesome :)

time has been flying quickly these few weeks, so quickly that i barely have time to think about unhappy stuffs. which is good cause i think i'm getting over you :)

Ive got lots to do, and since its gonna be a long day tmr, i gotta start now so i can rest :) bye fellow comrades!

2007-01-31T09:32:00.000+08:00

stealing this from Kristen' blog:

ACJC band's annual MUSE concert
together with other ACS bands
@ the esplanade on April fools' day (yes, its 1apr & its a sunday)
Tickets at $21 or $25 (inclusive of sistic charge)

Shostakovich's Festive Overture
Respighi's Feste Romane
Hindemith's March from Symphonic Metamorphosis
Phantom of the Opera
and more..

get them from me! i need to sell them :( those in acjc may use ur edusave to pay up. use the govt's money!

good friends of mine if you're REALLY interested i MAY pay some amount for you if you find it too costly. note the word is MAY. first come first serve basis. HAHAHA.

okay i gotta go prepare to go to see a doc and head down to schl. yes im not in schl now cus im sickkkkk and its deborah's last day so i must go to schl! ciao!

2007-01-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

image heavy entry.

our break after mass PE.. all too tired to move around.

leticia, deborah, elizabeth, charmaine. deborah's going aust to study )):

issac

xunwei, hon ding

amelia, sarah-ann

me, deborah, pauline

amelia, joseph, me(omg my eyes are damn tiny), caoyu. joseph is another one leaving for aust ):

caoyu

class role model aka GP asst rep + econs asst rep + class treasurer + business woman yujia =P

kester (who never fail to irritate the chi teacher LOL) and joseph.

eugene (aka GP rep + asst class rep) and deborah at the back.

me and hon ding before math lecture

LETICIA! and I before math lec.

preview of chinese lesson. classroom only have 2 rows of tables so its damn obvious if u sleep ):

1AD3! excluding jonathan , sarah-ann, amanda

-----
tmr's deborah's last day at schl ): and i think fri's joseph's last day! 1AD3 is like.. shrinking ): why everyone gg to aust! singapore so bad meh! oh man i'll miss them! esp joseph's teasing of amelia over some illogical matchmaking HAHA. damn dramaaaa...

schl was so-so today. nothing tooo exciting. maybe cause no lit. haha. mass pe was madness. i did like 120 crunches, 60pumps, 6 mins worth of half squats, 3 rounds of track. haha but its considered mild already ): shit i cant imagine what's "worst". band was okay. yeppp :)

2007-01-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

part of my class during one of e breaks.

weird things my classmates do.. i think kester going to kill me if he sees this post. =X

at essential brew, holland v. sam closed her eye but i like the picture =X hence explains the black box.

suddenly so unglam.

me and gerdine :)

mr bwh's ambition joke during contact time:
"i wanted to be a diver, but i couldnt take the pressure.
then i decided to be a banker, but i don't have the interest.
so i thought, why not a historian? but then i see no future in it.
I wanted to be a archeologist (sp?), but my career's in ruins.
when i finally decided to be a teacher, my mum said no i cant cause i have cross eyes. i asked her why not? she said i could not control my pupils."

OMG SUPER LAME HAHA. if you geddit u'll be like OMGGGG so lame

anws, by the photos u can see tht i went to essential brew for dinner with samho and gerdine. haha we had quite a good talk there :) yeah, awesome. time to turn in alr. tmr's mass pe day :( :( :( but it's also band day :) :) :) haha damn sleepy alr. bye folks.

i'll get over this hurdle. somehow, someway. i won't let you become my weakness.

2007-01-28T20:50:00.000+08:00

i think im okay now. the feeling of inferiority kinda faded away. :) thanks to all who cared.
---
i thought i handled it quite well, but somehow my feelings still get affected by you. why?

2007-01-28T17:17:00.000+08:00

i'm a competitive person by nature and hence it kind of explains why sometimes i get into this inferior and insecure state.. i don't feel i'm good enough. like i'm not tall enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not filial enough.. and tht my hair sucks, my face sucks, my music playing sucks etc.

and yes, right now i'm feeling like that.

yeah yeah, ppl are flawed and etc, but often they still have some strengths to overcome these weaknesses of theirs. somehow in my 16-17yrs of living, i havent really found any strengths that i can be really proud of.

anw, i'm sorry to those who i've always disturbed.. like teasing them about their weaknesses and etc. i guess it's just me trying to get rid of the inferiority within me. the.. temporary superior feeling. i think.

2007-01-27T22:12:00.000+08:00

band :)
i think i've improved in my techniques for the past 1 month. but it's still not sufficient for april 1st. and definitely not enough for syf.

kinda emo right now, lotsa stuff's going thru my mind but i'm sure i'll manage. :)

2007-01-26T21:11:00.000+08:00

my h2 math class ; 1ad3 + 1aa1 people (:

amelia who literally laughs like "hehehehehe" and i during 2hr break at ac's void deck (:

TGIF!

my arms are still sore and aching from tue's mass pe. thankfully on thurs our PE was merely introduction of the gym. yepp for the next 2-3 weeks we're doing gym pe, then track&field pe, then swim pe in term2.

so yes, i managed to survive the first week of my timetable. woohoo.

i managed to reach home around 4+pm today.. and it's my earliest this week! :D slept for 2hrs straight after bathing.. pretty exhausted from schl.

h2 econs test was... fail la fail la. lol i wrote a lot of dumb stuff down.

oh LOL today my class was like doing this enhance sound names. like.. calling names with accented and mysterious voice. esp leticia's name. lol, and we were saying her name sounded like some coffee brand. HAHA. then kester and eugene were doing it to everyone's name when Mr T was taking attendance in lit tutorial. HAHA. i think Mr T was like giving us the "why are u so weird" face but he kinda semi-smiled to it. HAHA.

anw, i like all my lit teachers! esp Mr T and Mr WH. cause it's only in their tutorials that we're allowed to be hyper and do the weird stuff (like kester trying to hit the rhythm on e table while reading a run-on-line poem today LOL, and amelia's HEHEHEHHEHEHE laughter). HAHA. lit sessions are THE best in my whole timetable :)

hahaha i'm chatting with leticia now and oh hahhaha she said i'm funny for the 2nd time today. as in the HAHAHA funny not the weird funny. :D

BAND at 10am tmr for me cus i attended theory last week. YAY MORE SLEEP =D